The TueDo List: Mary's Pad + Jazzercise + Desiree Cooper
THIS WEEK
To celebrate the 50th (!) anniversary of The Mary Tyler Moore Show, here’s an anatomy of that iconic studio apartment. Drew Barrymore has a very emo talk show. Dave Grohl’s song “Nandi” is our new jam. How to start preparing for a pandemic winter. Apparently Crocs and sweater vests are back in fashion, but we’ll take our style cues from Diana Rigg (RIP). Stress – and bad WFH posture – is making us grind our teeth. Unpacking mansplaining. We’re all doing Yoga with Adriene. The Central Park Birder’s new graphic novel about racism. The world's largest archive of '80s Esprit merch. Heartbreaking and beautiful: Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s notes on grief. The only thing I have control over are my biceps. Susan Orlean on the phases of the pandemic. She left out the Home Depot phase. Read an excerpt from Sophia Chang’s The Baddest Bitch in the Room. Learn to draw during Inktober.
(Photo: CBS via Getty)
STORY: Come Sleep with Me — Caretaking Mom
Continuing our series this month on caregiving — the people we love and tend to.
By Desiree Cooper
“In the summer of 2016, I abandoned my Detroit home of thirty years, put my belongings in storage and moved to coastal Virginia to live with my parents. They were in their 80s, their minds fading much faster than their bodies. If they were going to stay in their home, somebody had to be there with them. I arrived on the front porch of their ‘70s ranch to find that they didn’t understand why I was there, nor that I was staying for good. Not exactly welcome, I tried to stay small, disrupting their lives as little as possible, insinuating myself into the role of caregiver.”
(Psst: Want to write for us? Pitch us here!)
OBSESSED: Jazzercise
In the late ‘80s, when I was 13, my tennis-playing dad brought home a VHS tape of Jazzercise gifted to him by a friend to help him with flexibility. For the following 5 years and on my father’s insistence, my entire family would gather around the television weekly to do Jazzercise. Ms. Judi Sheppard Missett and her entourage all clad in pastel colored leotards and headbands danced us through an hour of exercise. I wouldn’t admit it then, but looking back, I actually enjoyed the choreographed routines, the funky music and the “You did it!” when we finished. During the pandemic, when the thought of getting back on the treadmill or biking in the hot summer sun in Houston was unbearable, I found Jazzercise on Demand. For $20 a month, I get access to a variety of workouts to choose from. Judi’s daughter Shanna Missett Nelson is now leading the Jazzercise pack and has that same big smile that her mom has. The videos are modern but include some original Jazzercise steps that I remember from the 80s. Each segment ends with a pose and a cheerful word of encouragement that keeps me grapevining through this pandemic.
— Judith Quander
(Photo: Groupon)
TueNight 10: Desiree Cooper
(Fun in the time of COVID)
Age: 60
Bio: Desiree is a Pulitzer Prize-nominated journalist, essayist and award winning author of the flash fiction collection, Know the Mother. Her latest essay, “Arrest Record,” about her troubling conversation with her adult son, is now available on The Rumpus.
Beyond the Bio: Four years ago—the same year that I published my first book—I moved in with my aging parents who have Alzheimer’s. At the time, I was also a primary caregiver for my grandchildren. Since then, I’ve been living the contradiction of menopause: A time of breathtaking self-actualization, a time of soul-crushing family demands. The good news is that I’ve discovered the magic of boundaries. I don’t have 56 years to publish my second book. Each day that I get up, I write.
What makes you a grown-ass lady? I have finally figured out that when folks say, “It could be worse,” it actually can be worse. I know that now because I’ve been through worse. Worse has taught me how little it takes to be happy. Worse has taught me to rely on my coven of girlfriends. It has given me my crown of silver.
Here’s her TueNight 10:
1. On the nightstand: Skinny Pop, Amazon Echo Dot, a small painting that I did when I was trying my hand at visual art, a copy of Rumi’s poetry.
2. Can’t stop/won’t stop: Writing my truth.
3. Jam of the minute: “Lockdown” by Andersen .Paak.
4. Thing I miss: My grandchildren in my arms (fuck you, COVID).
5. ’80s crush: George Michael.
6. Current crush: Ain’t nobody got time for that.
7. Latest fave find: Apothic Red on ice.
8. Last thing you lost: My freedom.
9. Best thing that happened recently: Floating on my back in the warm Atlantic, sun on my face, gazing at a ceiling of clouds.
10. Looking forward to: November 3, 2020.
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Let the music move you, TueNighters!
