This piece is refreshing, witty yet down-to-earth, clear, and honest. I can say, having run the gauntlet of menopause, being on the other side of insomnia, hot flashes, night sweats which produced more water than I thought a body could sweat-- I wish I'd given myself permission to sleep separately instead of next to the human furnace that is my spouse.
I love this article for giving me a nudge though- because I don't have to be ill or menopausal or an insomniac to want to sleep alone.
Lately, I've been thinking about getting the guest room sleep ready. I feel confident that we're fine if I sleep in the guest room sometimes. If he knows it's important to this introvert he loves. We've covered that introvert ground already so there's a foundation there for a conversation about this.
Thanks for the nudge this article gives me to keep cleaning out that guest room.
The article also reminds me of 2 things.
1. Just like when someone with a new cancer diagnosis may receive many weird reactions and plenty of inaccurate advice (not fun, in my experience), it's easy to find lots of unhelpful so-called "guidance" in books and therapists (not just lay people) which can poison a marriage, simply by applying what's touted as knowledge/fact (when it is neither). Many couples therapists and books apply these falsehoods. Others do rely on research-based methods. No one teaches "protect your marriage from terrible influences, including some professionals"-- but maybe someone should. In the the past, I barely dodged the bullet of bad advice.
2. "It feels true because it IS true" is a cute line from Sleepless in Seattle -- (watch it if you haven't lately-- Rosie O'Donnell at her funniest delivers that line). But it is a movie. Not real life (which is a point that Nora Ephron beautifully delivers in that same film). Much of our own (and society's) ideas that feel true have to die to make room for the many good things already present in a solid marriage.
This piece is refreshing, witty yet down-to-earth, clear, and honest. I can say, having run the gauntlet of menopause, being on the other side of insomnia, hot flashes, night sweats which produced more water than I thought a body could sweat-- I wish I'd given myself permission to sleep separately instead of next to the human furnace that is my spouse.
I love this article for giving me a nudge though- because I don't have to be ill or menopausal or an insomniac to want to sleep alone.
Lately, I've been thinking about getting the guest room sleep ready. I feel confident that we're fine if I sleep in the guest room sometimes. If he knows it's important to this introvert he loves. We've covered that introvert ground already so there's a foundation there for a conversation about this.
Thanks for the nudge this article gives me to keep cleaning out that guest room.
The article also reminds me of 2 things.
1. Just like when someone with a new cancer diagnosis may receive many weird reactions and plenty of inaccurate advice (not fun, in my experience), it's easy to find lots of unhelpful so-called "guidance" in books and therapists (not just lay people) which can poison a marriage, simply by applying what's touted as knowledge/fact (when it is neither). Many couples therapists and books apply these falsehoods. Others do rely on research-based methods. No one teaches "protect your marriage from terrible influences, including some professionals"-- but maybe someone should. In the the past, I barely dodged the bullet of bad advice.
2. "It feels true because it IS true" is a cute line from Sleepless in Seattle -- (watch it if you haven't lately-- Rosie O'Donnell at her funniest delivers that line). But it is a movie. Not real life (which is a point that Nora Ephron beautifully delivers in that same film). Much of our own (and society's) ideas that feel true have to die to make room for the many good things already present in a solid marriage.
YES