The TueDo List: Friendship Breakups + Celebrating 50 + Margit’s Lap Dance
And a hilarious Succession/Euphoria mashup
📖 READ: A fantastic conversation with Sherrilyn Ifill and her LDF successor, Janai Nelson, about commitment, collaboration, and work-life balance. Dolly Parton says thanks but no thanks. On gaining weight, going back to the office, and what really matters. Related: I love Lizzo, but body positivity isn’t enough to fight racialized misogyny. Ally Sheedy is an undercover book editor. Beatrix Potter lived with her parents until she was 47. I’m done being your model minority.
Friday: Sandra Oh is terrified of becoming her mother in Umma (Theaters). Jared Leto and Anne Hathaway star in WeCrashed (Apple TV+), Regina Hall in Master (Prime), and Amy Schumer and Michael Cera in Life & Beth (Hulu).
OBSESSED: How to Celebrate Turning 50
Our newsletter editor Margaret C. turns 50 next week, and since she hasn’t made any Big Plans, we asked TueNighters how they celebrated – or plan to celebrate – this milestone. Here’s what they had to say:
“My thoughtful husband offered to buy me a very expensive Bottega hobo bag for my 50th, and while I love the craftsmanship, I'm not the kind of girl who carries around fancy accessories. So I told him I'd think about a gift. A few days later I asked to go to Japan (exponentially more pricey than a purse!). It took some planning, of course – we went for a two-week trip when I was 51.” — Lauren Y.
“I get it, not doing the Big Thing – whether it was my own difficulty in embracing 5-0 or the gripping depression, I had no celebration, just a cheap pizza, my kids were probably with me, my husband was late and didn't even bring me a card (the rage! the outrage!)... but really, ultimately, I didn't claim it. However, I had an amazing garden party for my 49th, huge chocolate/raspberry vegan cake, live music, tons of friends, wine, beer, and I wore a sweet sparkling backless dress.” — Mara L.
“I was with my boys, sisters, their families, and my mother and when I came down the next morning, everyone had made signs along this line! They made me laugh and laugh and laugh.” — Ruth M.
“My sister was going to take me on a trip. And then COVID happened. So we sat in a parking lot eating takeout from a vintage roadside hamburger place, watching maskless people board their bus, and laughing/crying at how sad my birthday became.” — Michele A.
“I had lost my mother a little over a year before, so I was still grieving and not really in a headspace to have a big celebration (was also dealing with some other crappy life stuff) so had dinner with two close friends and mostly kept it chill. The best part is we went to a restaurant where my friend knew the sommelier, so he comped us all our wine!” — Shannon M.
“Didn’t really do anything. This coming year (53) was going to be different, but the person I was going to celebrate with is gone and I think I’ll just think about 55 or 60, instead.” — Amy V.
“Mine is this fall! I am starting to think about a big party – hopefully something laid back yet festive and not super expensive. I have pulled this off for my 30th and 40th so I know I will come up with something! 30th was a buffet at an old school Italian place my family has eaten at my whole life. 40th a private room at a wine bar that didn't have a rental fee as long as we made a food and drink minimum. I ordered some slider platters and had a cash bar.” — Elizabeth T.
“I wanted to celebrate all year in various formats. I went to Austin with my bestie gal pal, did a writing retreat with myself, and we went to Sid Gold's Request Room for a karaoke party. We got there early and there was a burlesque show happening before our party and someone bought me a lap dance so there was that. 👀” — Margit D.
Your turn! How did you (or will you) celebrate your 50th?
EVENT: How to Break Up with Your Friends
Friendships can be the source of so much joy and support but over time, friends may drift apart for one reason or another. Also, Covid — right? The pandemic has made many of us reevaluate those we want close to us and those we don't.
In How to Break Up with Your Friends, author and psychotherapist Erin Falconer shows us how to navigate and nurture friendships that are meaningful and let go of those that aren't. It's a great book and we're excited to talk to Erin!
Join us March 22 at 8pm ET (on Crowdcast) as Margit chats with Erin about cultivating deep friendships, setting boundaries and, as the title implies, bidding adieu.
This event is free, but you’ll need to register in advance.
STORY: Why I Celebrate My Age — and Say It Proudly
By Cindy Gallop
A little while back I wrote an op-ed for a German newspaper. I was on the phone with the editor, going over the final draft, when he said to me, “Now, I have to ask you something, and I want to apologize in advance. I would never normally ask you this, but unfortunately our newspaper insists. It is standard policy and so please forgive me…” He was so embarrassed and stumbling and apologetic that I got rather worried and was thinking, my God, what on earth is he about to put me through? – and he finished with, “How old are you?”
I was so taken aback I burst out laughing. I said, good grief, I have no problem telling you that at all – I’m 62.
I don’t have a problem saying my age. But society does.
I recently went into a store to buy a birthday card for a friend. I came out empty-handed – because every single card I looked at was ageist. Other than the overly serious affectionate birthday greetings, which were not what I was after, every single card made a joke about getting older that presented aging as a bad thing and your age as something you should never own up to.
I tell everyone how old I am as often as possible. I shout it from the rooftops. I consider myself a proudly visible member of the most invisible segment of our society – older women. And I want to help redefine, in the way I live my life, what society thinks an older woman should be like, talk like, look like, dress like, work like, and date like.
That’s why I coined the hashtag #sayyourage. Because I want to ask all of you to do that too.
I want you to start saying your age, unashamedly and with pride. Because I believe the opposite of “Age is just a number.” Your age is a very special number. You are the sum total of all of your learnings and life experiences to date. Your age is a fundamental part of who you are. It represents your true value, in business and in life – the older you get, the more valuable you get, and the more your age represents that. #sayyourage – and own your age. Your age is you. Your age is what makes you as valuable, special and unique as you are.
I want you to #sayyourage no matter what age you are – because ageism exists at every point along the age spectrum. You can be dismissed for being too young – especially if you’re female – as much as you can be dismissed for being too old. Be proud to #sayyourage however young you are, and keep saying it and owning it, all the way through your career and your life, because that’s one way we can change ageism for all of us.
Black Girls Guide To Surviving Menopause: New IG Live Series kicks off this month: 3/9, 3/16 and 3/22.
Crunchy Tales: 5 Ways To Plan For Your Pension Whatever Your Age.
DAME: America’s War on Motherhood.
Gen X Girls Grow Up: iHeartRadio Gen X Girls 80's Playlist.
Hello Perry: Best Lubricant For Menopause Dryness.
Jumble & Flow: 5 of the Best Events and Communities for Women Over 40.
Revel: Who Are The Revel Experts?
Modern GenX Woman: Podcast: Is Your Identity and Worth Tangled Up in Your Job?
Happy St. Patrick’s Day, TueNighters!