32 Comments
Nov 9, 2023Liked by Margit Detweiler, Liz Thompson

Pelvic floor exercises! They’ve helped me avoid panty liners etc. I have to do them a couple of times a week to keep from leaking.

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Nov 9, 2023Liked by Liz Thompson

I agree! Working out, doing a lot of bridges, abs, and squats have strengthen my pelvic floor a lot. Not only does it help with leakage but it also helps with sex 😉

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I am here to hear tips. I just realized the other day this might be what’s happening to me! 🤦‍♀️ I am like, do I drag Poise to cart?! I couldn’t do it. The name of that brand cracks me up. I just imagine some woman in pearls holding a teacup grinning and squeezing her legs together like, “I’m fine over here!”

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Nov 9, 2023Liked by Margit Detweiler, Liz Thompson

I’m hoping that thinx pee underwear gets really good by the time I need them. Or maybe it already is?

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Nov 9, 2023Liked by Margit Detweiler, Liz Thompson

I have experienced all of the above and tried doing Kegels daily but that landed right next to the daily meditation. I’ll have to google pelvic floor exercises and see what’s up. No on those adult diapers, yes to crossing my legs every time I sneeze.

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Googling right alongside you, my friend...

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Nov 9, 2023Liked by Margit Detweiler, Liz Thompson

Welcome to getting older, Ladies. Im 74 and have dealt with this for 15-20 years? Yes, Poise. Yes, pelvic floor exercises through PT helps. But you must keep doing them. Exercise and strengthening your core works really well, but it doesn’t go away entirely. Alcohol really does irritate the bladder and makes it worse. If you give it up completely you will see a big difference in making it to the bathroom. Coffee, too, but I can’t/won’t give that up. Yes, peeing during sex. Emptying your bladder first is always a good idea, but it won’t eliminate it, and it can be kinda sorta sexy. The little machine that sends tiny electric shocks up the nerves from your ankle to your groin was mildly helpful, but not worth the hassle. I never wanted surgery and the little mesh “sack.” Can lead to infection, but some find it a godsend. Make friends with #3 Poise, which are sometimes hard to find, because every older women on the planet is wearing them.

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Great advice! Thank you!

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Nov 9, 2023Liked by Liz Thompson

Replying to myself. 😊 Actually not every woman on the planet. Millions I would guess don’t have access to these products or health care even, and I’m sure have their own ingenious ways of coping. But it must not be easy. And I really think about that a lot. What if I was in a war zone, or fleeing with nothing but the clothes on my back? This is an essay and I may write it.

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Thank you so much!

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Nov 9, 2023Liked by Liz Thompson

Did I just embarrass myself greatly? 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

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Not even a little bit. You are an inspiration and THANK YOU for sharing some really great advice - emptying our bladders before sex... DUH!... sometimes the best solution is the simplest one :)

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Nov 9, 2023Liked by Liz Thompson

BTW, even if you don’t have leaky bladder issues, my gyno (passed away now, sadly) gave me that advice to prevent UTI’s.

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Hell no! Appreciate the honesty. Helps us all

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Hilariously someone just responded to this thread to me in email with UNSUBSCRIBE! Didn’t realize leaks were so controversial. 🤣

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🤷‍♀️

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And, not for nothing, the stigma about wearing (let alone, talking about) adult diapers is so asinine (no pun intended), right alongside the insensitivities experienced by folx with medical conditions who are made to feel like they're flawed or broken somehow. We NEED to normalize talking about stuff like this OUT LOUD and not made to feel like we should be whispering in a corner so other folkx feel less uncomfortable. IMHO. /rant

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::rousing applause:: xxo

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Nov 9, 2023Liked by Margit Detweiler, Liz Thompson

Estriol is so helpful for this! And for urgency and painful sex too! Winning! I no longer sneezepee, nor get up more than once at night to pee. Also, it’s topical and inexpensive, OTC in the US, and is considered safe for breast cancer survivors. Best thing I ever did was add a little Silky Peach estriol cream to my morning routine. Pelvic floor exercises are helpful too. Kim Vopni puts out great content on that. No adult diapers! I’m not giving up my trampoline (great for lymph drainage) and I just started jumping rope! Cheers!

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Okay, thank you for the recs and Kim had me at "vagina coach" https://www.vaginacoach.com/

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Same here!

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I love her!! Such great content. Her book is good too. I finally learned to do kegels correctly.

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Thank you. Estriol - how messy is it? use it with a liner maybe? I tried a prescription pill that goes in the vagina with an applicator. It didn't help the leakage and I dislike the plastic applicator, so I quit that one. But it wasn't messy.

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I hate those applicators. It’s not messy. It’s a really thick cream. Also, once I got feeling better I reduced to a half dose, so not messy at all.

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You know what's annoying as fuck? I was THRILLED when I stopped having periods because it meant I wouldn't have to buy tampons or pads anymore. FREEEEEEEEDOM!

And now the bladder leaks. WTF. Back to buying, as I call them, pee pads. I'm not ready to wear Depends, but I do wear pads pretty much all the time.

This aging shit is for the birds and entirely over rated.

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Nov 9, 2023Liked by Liz Thompson

I LOVE that we are talking about bladder leakage! This is such a common issue yet it seems like no one was talking about it. Now we are--thank you! Yes to pelvic floor exercises as support not a cure-all. I work out, do pilates and yoga, and do pelvic floor exercises so it helps a bit. Also, diaphragmatic breathing practice helps. I did pelvic health PT and that worked for awhile. Kegels may or may not help you, depending on what your issue is. I found out through PT that Kegels weren't going to do it for me. Have an appointment next week with a gyno-urologist to talk about options and vaginal estrogen. I don't want to wear the pads unless I have to. Oh and peeing during sex--I had no idea this also happened. Thank you for the info because if I didn't know this and then it happened during sex, I would freak out! I'm just starting to date again so I'm glad I know now.

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Nov 9, 2023Liked by Liz Thompson

At this point, I'm a veteran of the Overactive Bladder War, very much beat up, wounded and leaking everywhere, but not giving up. It's a conflict that's been going on for years for many of us, so giggle at "adult diapers" if you must — I prefer "disposable panties" and slip those babies on when I need to, and get on with my life. I wouldn't be able to leave the house without them (Always Discreet and Poise = the best).

Stress incontinence and urge incontinence are two different things, so it's good to figure out which you are dealing with, or if it's both. Things that have worked for me:

Hydrate with your meals; sip, don't chug massive amounts of liquid; put yourself on a bladder re-training schedule (Google has a lot of suggestions); reduce bladder irritants, especially caffeine; carbonated beverages, citrus/citric acid, diet drinks. Cut off liquids by 6-7 PM if you have trouble at night.

If you tend to cystitis or UTIs, attend to that first. My urology nurse-practitioner says: vaginal health is bladder health (she prescribed vaginal estrogen cream to improve vaginal tone because it shares a wall with the bladder, and doesn't increase risk for breast cancer).

And of course, pee before sex — and always right after :-) One of my boyfriend's kinks is water play tho, so I don't worry— how lucky am I?!

ALSO: Gemtesa has been a game changer for me, after years of looking for a solution (And it's not implicated in dementia, like some of the other treatments, thank God).

I just wrote a book chapter ha, but I've really been through it, and hope I can help somebody else out…

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Thank you for sharing, Poppy - your words/advice helps SO MUCH!!

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Ok, in my 40s... I SO balked at this topic, but now in my 50s I get it... There's a woman on IG called The Vagina Coach and she has this whole routine for strengthening the pelvic floor muscles and her main deal is that Kegels only do so much and that Happy Baby pose in yoga can actually do more... so I'm testing this theory out. Also PROOF undies are supposedly good and have fewer carcinogens than the Thinx ones, but Thinx was reformulating their undies--so, we're going to be testing these all out at The Empress in Jan... for all the different awful criteria. Lol... So stay tuned!

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Didn't have kids and don't have leaks (yet), but...as we normalize talking about menopause and the party that brings, we need to normalize pelvic floor therapy. There are actual pelvic floor therapists out there -- fully trained physical therapists who went into further training to do that work. This helps men, too. Well, at least from the waist down. I first learned about it when a friend told me it helped her after she vaginally birthed her huge-headed son (and even her OB said they should've C-sectioned her). Then, other friends who did it or had it done started talking. It's still very mum for some reason. (Guess it's because they do get up in there.) On my currently-paused podcast, I talked to this lovely woman who does tons of videos on the subject (she's now running marathons, too). Check her out. xo https://www.inherphysique.com/meet-dr-justine/

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Love all the advice here. PF exercises, for sure, not just Kegels. A good PF Physiotherapist. And Uresta (game changer) instead of pads and such. Check it out on internet (Canada and US sites). Highly recommend. And Knix for good and safe underwear. And apparently there is a therapeutic chair one can sit on fully clothed for a handful of sessions that some physios may have , but definitely at some medical spas. Curious if anyone here has heard of or tried this therapy. Do tell all.

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Just chiming in to say that I struggled with this for a long time. I tried to schedule liquid intake, cut back on the bad things, cross my legs, do kegels, all of it (except the pelvic floor PT). But I got to a point that I was nervous to go places for fear of a sneeze or cough ruining my day. Then I got the urethral sling surgery a year ago. And it was life changing. I didn’t realize how much angst the problem had been generating til it was gone. All this to say, consider your options and your quality of life. It may not be right for everyone but it may be right for you.

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