Do you ever have conversations where someone used a specific word or phrase that just rubs you the wrong way? I do, like “calm down” and “you’re overreacting” or “you’re being too sensitive” especially when used in the same sentence.
It’s right up there with calling me “sweetheart” or “dear” (unless you’re my husband) and reciting positive quotes about hard situations (nope, still feel shitty, but thanks). I mean, there are less toxic options: “I understand you’re upset, tell me what you need, how can I help” not to mention calling me by my actual name, right?
Let’s tawk, TueNighters — are there any words or phrases that get under your skin and what are better ways of saying them?
In that vein: “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I get the intent and yes, challenges *can* be opportunities for growth or transformation but what doesn’t kill you can also cause deep, lasting harm, if not outright trauma which can alter even your brain’s wiring, and this phrases feels like a minimizing suggestion that can make people feel like they’re somehow “failing” at moving through/past a challenge.
Yup, and more often than not, the person doesn't know or is not sure of what the right thing to say is beyond "I'm sorry." And that's okay, just say it. Like, "Sorry, I don't know what to say" and "I don't have the words right now" or asking "How can I help" would work in situations where you're just not sure, right?
I've also had to catch myself before saying "You guys," and it's because I live in Jersey where "youse guys" is used a lot which hurts most people's ears ;) BUT I am trying to be mindful about it.
I've also learned not to use "you guys." It was hard to give it up, because for me, it's a term of affection I've used in-person in a group of people I knew. Still, I no longer use it. I say "you all" or "all of you" or something like that. ... I never liked "you guys" when it was the greeting in a how-to YouTube video (for example) by a man, such as a weight lifting video, where I had the feeling they forgot they aren't only talking to guys.
I struggle with this one too. But I also bristle when people use "y'all" when they are definitely NOT from the South. It feels very mannered and self-conscious
"It is what it is". Usually this is a copout for not dealing with a specific incident, or trying to imagine solutions. There isn't a replacement phrase, but a different way to address someone who uses this. "What can we do to fix that?" etc. Response depends on the size of the problem.
Ahhhhh, that's another phrase that gets me all prickly and I have responded with "Yes but it can always be better." LOVE your solution because offering your help works in almost any situation, IMHO.
I'm not fond of the phrase de jour, no matter what it is: "I know, right?" or the one I hear all the time now, when someone agrees with me, "One-hundred percent!" or "At the end of the day, ... ." These are all lazy ways of expressing attitudes, short-hand, if you will. But it begins to feel trite and thoughtless. Solution? Try not to speak in cliche, or write in it either.
That's a great solution, Kathy. I'm also guilty of "I know, right?" and it does become habit BUT I've become more mindful of gauging a conversation and using my words appropriately. Again, it's hard but it can be done.
How about when you post an observation or opinion about something in the news, and people reply, "Yup." I feel like they are saying "I knew that before you did, nyah." But that might just be me projecting! LOL
Excellent example — my son and DIL had one with our first born grandbaby — and I get the excitement and all but don't have a suggestion for a better term either. The negative responses of "another girl" or "I can't do boys" always gets to me, tho.
I don’t know why, because I know it’s well-intended and also good advice, but I see red when someone tells me, “breathe.” Lady, that is the one thing I’ve not forgotten to do. Tell me something I can use.
Not as spoken in conversation but in written articles: 'iconic' and 'cult'. Most times, the item in question is neither! Not everything is iconic! And Biologique Recherche's P50 (for example) is no longer cult because so many articles have been written about it, and so many celebs have mentioned it. You can buy it online!
Find other words! I have no suggestions beyond: famous/infamous, old school, 'Hollywood History', for iconic and celeb/beauty editor favorite, IYKYK, for cult.
My kids hate "take a deep breath" because they do the exact opposite when we say it! I get annoyed with "There's nothing we can do. We just have to live with it."
I strongly dislike being called a girl in any professional setting. And, if one more person says, "it is what it is" to me, well, I'm going to have to turn and walk away.
In that vein: “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I get the intent and yes, challenges *can* be opportunities for growth or transformation but what doesn’t kill you can also cause deep, lasting harm, if not outright trauma which can alter even your brain’s wiring, and this phrases feels like a minimizing suggestion that can make people feel like they’re somehow “failing” at moving through/past a challenge.
^^^THIS!^^^
Yup, and more often than not, the person doesn't know or is not sure of what the right thing to say is beyond "I'm sorry." And that's okay, just say it. Like, "Sorry, I don't know what to say" and "I don't have the words right now" or asking "How can I help" would work in situations where you're just not sure, right?
I've also had to catch myself before saying "You guys," and it's because I live in Jersey where "youse guys" is used a lot which hurts most people's ears ;) BUT I am trying to be mindful about it.
I've also learned not to use "you guys." It was hard to give it up, because for me, it's a term of affection I've used in-person in a group of people I knew. Still, I no longer use it. I say "you all" or "all of you" or something like that. ... I never liked "you guys" when it was the greeting in a how-to YouTube video (for example) by a man, such as a weight lifting video, where I had the feeling they forgot they aren't only talking to guys.
Exactly, Fran!
I struggle with this one too. But I also bristle when people use "y'all" when they are definitely NOT from the South. It feels very mannered and self-conscious
I definitely can't say "y'all," not even in email/text.
All of that !!!! And “ladies” to a group of “women” that may not all identify as women or not also makes me nuts.
Oh, hellyah! And thank you for reminder, Theo!!
"It is what it is". Usually this is a copout for not dealing with a specific incident, or trying to imagine solutions. There isn't a replacement phrase, but a different way to address someone who uses this. "What can we do to fix that?" etc. Response depends on the size of the problem.
Ahhhhh, that's another phrase that gets me all prickly and I have responded with "Yes but it can always be better." LOVE your solution because offering your help works in almost any situation, IMHO.
I'm not fond of the phrase de jour, no matter what it is: "I know, right?" or the one I hear all the time now, when someone agrees with me, "One-hundred percent!" or "At the end of the day, ... ." These are all lazy ways of expressing attitudes, short-hand, if you will. But it begins to feel trite and thoughtless. Solution? Try not to speak in cliche, or write in it either.
That's a great solution, Kathy. I'm also guilty of "I know, right?" and it does become habit BUT I've become more mindful of gauging a conversation and using my words appropriately. Again, it's hard but it can be done.
How about when you post an observation or opinion about something in the news, and people reply, "Yup." I feel like they are saying "I knew that before you did, nyah." But that might just be me projecting! LOL
“Gender reveal party”. I don’t have a suggestion for a better term. How about we just stop having them?
Excellent example — my son and DIL had one with our first born grandbaby — and I get the excitement and all but don't have a suggestion for a better term either. The negative responses of "another girl" or "I can't do boys" always gets to me, tho.
How about, "Baby Shower?" (gender inclusive, descriptive, vintage...)
I like it. I do.
I don’t know why, because I know it’s well-intended and also good advice, but I see red when someone tells me, “breathe.” Lady, that is the one thing I’ve not forgotten to do. Tell me something I can use.
OMG! This made me spit coffee out of my nose because "that IS the one thing I've not forgotten to do."
“Everyone tries to do their best”. No, actually they don’t. There are a few that do, but certainly does not apply to “everyone”.
I feel this... so true!
My reaction when people tell me to “calm down” is...intense. Neither calm nor down.
Not as spoken in conversation but in written articles: 'iconic' and 'cult'. Most times, the item in question is neither! Not everything is iconic! And Biologique Recherche's P50 (for example) is no longer cult because so many articles have been written about it, and so many celebs have mentioned it. You can buy it online!
Find other words! I have no suggestions beyond: famous/infamous, old school, 'Hollywood History', for iconic and celeb/beauty editor favorite, IYKYK, for cult.
"Coeds" as a noun referring to female but not male college students.
Another word that should bite the dust.
My kids hate "take a deep breath" because they do the exact opposite when we say it! I get annoyed with "There's nothing we can do. We just have to live with it."
Ooof - we just have to live with it makes my brain itch.
I strongly dislike being called a girl in any professional setting. And, if one more person says, "it is what it is" to me, well, I'm going to have to turn and walk away.