I don't yet have personal experience with this, but want to recommend my friend Kate Washington's terrific book Already Toast: Caregiving & Burnout in America (2021, Beacon Press), a book that's personal, literary, practical, researched, & a call to action all at once. Her website (https://www.kawashington.com/already-toast.html) lists a bunch of resources for caregivers as well.
This question drives me nuts. I was hired by an editor a couple years ago, she was starting a website for caregivers and wanted me to write about caregiver burnout. I said "Do you know any caregivers? The last thing they want to read is another article telling them they aren't doing self-care right." She said that's fine, I'll find someone else, and she sold the website soon after. The point of the story is ... uh ... that I wish I were selling websites instead of caring for my dad, my sister, and my kids. Today I was sobbing in my therapist's office because I said out loud that I wanted a meteor to land on my house. But I mean, show me on the calendar when there's time and money for me to do anything but sit in my therapist's office and cry. haha this is a fun thing to read. but seriously there's no answer to this. though I'm going to read that toast book, thanks naomi.
Have been dealing with this with my parents — mom has Parkinsons and Dad is, well, 90 and with that comes all the tough - heart failure and such. They're mentally going strong but the aging body is a cruel thing. A few things my siblings and I have learned so far.
- IMHO A lot of these caregiver services are questionable (expensive, or don't show up, or you need a caregiver to monitor the caregiver). My parents ended up finding someone on their own through friends of a friend of a friend. Which was kind of hilarious after we had spreadsheets and hours of data on the best services, and did interviews etc etc. At the end of the day, they had a better insight than any of us. Grateful for that.
- I'm just at the beginning of this caregiving road and have so many friends dealing with the latter part and it's traumatizing and impossible. So yeah, we're asking for tips knowing every situation is unique and there are probably no answers.
May 31, 2023Liked by Margit Detweiler, Liz Thompson
I found gardening and particularly weeding therapeutic. Both for the time in nature/calming effect of greenery and for the gift of the necessary and violent labor of weeding, which is a good way of expressing aggressive feelings productively. When you can't fix what can't be fixed you can at least join a community garden and hack a paper mulberry sapling out of a spot by the fence line.
I don't yet have personal experience with this, but want to recommend my friend Kate Washington's terrific book Already Toast: Caregiving & Burnout in America (2021, Beacon Press), a book that's personal, literary, practical, researched, & a call to action all at once. Her website (https://www.kawashington.com/already-toast.html) lists a bunch of resources for caregivers as well.
This question drives me nuts. I was hired by an editor a couple years ago, she was starting a website for caregivers and wanted me to write about caregiver burnout. I said "Do you know any caregivers? The last thing they want to read is another article telling them they aren't doing self-care right." She said that's fine, I'll find someone else, and she sold the website soon after. The point of the story is ... uh ... that I wish I were selling websites instead of caring for my dad, my sister, and my kids. Today I was sobbing in my therapist's office because I said out loud that I wanted a meteor to land on my house. But I mean, show me on the calendar when there's time and money for me to do anything but sit in my therapist's office and cry. haha this is a fun thing to read. but seriously there's no answer to this. though I'm going to read that toast book, thanks naomi.
ugh I don't think I can read that book because why didn't I get a book deal out of my suffering? Now I feel like an even bigger loser.
Have been dealing with this with my parents — mom has Parkinsons and Dad is, well, 90 and with that comes all the tough - heart failure and such. They're mentally going strong but the aging body is a cruel thing. A few things my siblings and I have learned so far.
- IMHO A lot of these caregiver services are questionable (expensive, or don't show up, or you need a caregiver to monitor the caregiver). My parents ended up finding someone on their own through friends of a friend of a friend. Which was kind of hilarious after we had spreadsheets and hours of data on the best services, and did interviews etc etc. At the end of the day, they had a better insight than any of us. Grateful for that.
- I'm just at the beginning of this caregiving road and have so many friends dealing with the latter part and it's traumatizing and impossible. So yeah, we're asking for tips knowing every situation is unique and there are probably no answers.
I found gardening and particularly weeding therapeutic. Both for the time in nature/calming effect of greenery and for the gift of the necessary and violent labor of weeding, which is a good way of expressing aggressive feelings productively. When you can't fix what can't be fixed you can at least join a community garden and hack a paper mulberry sapling out of a spot by the fence line.